There have been few times in my life when I feel like things are out of my control. I mean OUT OF MY CONTROL!! The first being when I was told that I had cancer. I asked how long I would live if I didn't start treatment, I was told 2 months. Although, there was no doubt in my mind that I would undergo treatment immediately. There were many of nights I would lay awake, wondering if I would die from the cancer, who would take care of Nicholas, would anyone be able to love him, look out for him, and take care of him the way that I had up to that point. When I would get overwhelmed, I would close my eyes and pray. I wasn't sure what to,or whom to, but I would ask for help from somewhere I didn't know where the help would come from. Every time, those prayers were answered. It came in many forms, whether it be a letter of encouragement from a stranger, being able to eat without being sick, or sleeping through the night. I was blessed in so many ways. Most of all, is that I sit here tonight, living, and breathing. Supporting and loving my family. Doing what matters most to me.
This adoption thus far has given me some of the same challenges. I don't know where I will get the funds for this adoption. I really DO NOT like that it keeps coming back to money. But it really truly is one of the few things that is standing between me, and giving Vika a home. I have all the love in the world for this girl. I want to give her a home, the support and guidance in the world. However, it is money!! I think and think, and stress and stress.. how will it happen. What more can I do.. am I trying hard enough... what else can I do... there is not a day this does not run through my mind over and over. Just when I stop... something amazing happens... a prayer comes though... someone has been listening, watching and reading about my love for this girl I have never met. A girl I have committed my love, and my life to. It came in the form of a letter from a girl that works in the hospital with. Her father wrote a letter.
This is for your friend that is raising money to adopt the little girl from Russia.
It came from a phone call from a co-worker that I hadn't seen in months.. asking to buy raffle tickets.
It means the world to me that people are listening and that they care. I am always amazed about people that you least expect to support you, to let you know that they care and are listening. It is this amazement that I have always cherished, and am grateful for. It is the same commitment that people have to the human spirit that gives me the faith everyday that I will have Vika home next year.
There are times in your life when you feel deep within your heart that something feels right. It is a feeling deep within you that feeds your heart with happiness. It is a feeling that you believe in, no matter how difficult, no matter how demanding something may be, you know that it is right. You know you have to follow your heart.