There are times in your life when you feel deep within your heart that something feels right. It is a feeling deep within you that feeds your heart with happiness. It is a feeling that you believe in, no matter how difficult, no matter how demanding something may be, you know that it is right. You know you have to follow your heart.

Monday, November 8, 2010

I am always amazed...

There have been few times in my life when I feel like things are out of my control. I mean OUT OF MY CONTROL!! The first being when I was told that I had cancer. I asked how long I would live if I didn't start treatment, I was told 2 months. Although, there was no doubt in my mind that I would undergo treatment immediately. There were many of nights I would lay awake, wondering if I would die from the cancer, who would take care of Nicholas, would anyone be able to love him, look out for him, and take care of him the way that I had up to that point. When I would get overwhelmed, I would close my eyes and pray. I wasn't sure what to,or whom to, but I would ask for help from somewhere I didn't know where the help would come from. Every time, those prayers were answered. It came in many forms, whether it be a letter of encouragement from a stranger, being able to eat without being sick, or sleeping through the night. I was blessed in so many ways. Most of all, is that I sit here tonight, living, and breathing. Supporting and loving my family. Doing what matters most to me.

This adoption thus far has given me some of the same challenges. I don't know where I will get the funds for this adoption. I really DO NOT like that it keeps coming back to money. But it really truly is one of the few things that is standing between me, and giving Vika a home. I have all the love in the world for this girl. I want to give her a home, the support and  guidance in the world. However, it is money!! I think and think, and stress and stress.. how will it happen. What more can I do.. am I trying hard enough... what else can I do... there is not a day this does not run through my mind over and over. Just when I stop... something amazing happens... a prayer comes though... someone has been listening, watching and reading about my love for this girl I have never met. A girl I have committed my love, and my life to. It came in the form of a letter from a girl that works in the hospital with. Her father wrote a letter.
This is for your friend that is raising money to adopt the little girl from Russia.
                                                          Love,  Dad

It came from a phone call from a co-worker that I hadn't seen in months.. asking to buy raffle tickets.

It means the world to me that people are listening and that they care. I am always amazed about people that you least expect to support you, to let you know that they care and are listening. It is this amazement that I have always cherished, and am grateful for. It is the same commitment that people have to the human spirit that gives me the faith everyday that I will have Vika home next year.


  1. tARYN- I want you to know that I know exactly how you feel. Wondering what I have to do to convince the people I love that this little girl i love so much is the same little girl who will be part of their lives. She is the same little girl God commands of to take care of. How will I show those I love this is not a want or a need, it is a calling to one of Gods earthly orphans it is a call to rescue one of his princesses. Let go of the worry, what ever you have to do let it go. He will not leave you or forsake you. He loves this little girl more than you and he has plans. He will place her in your arms someday soon. Just when I am at my wits end with this whole money thing I remember it is the same God who is taking me on this journey who has placed her on our hearts. In my pure and utter amazment we have raised almost $13,000 in 13 weeks. I can not believe he loves us so and I know he loves you with that same love. So look at today and know He will come through, Has already made the plans. He started even before you loved her. He started even before she was concieved. Much Love and Understanding Ann

  2. Ann,
    thank you for your words. It really does mean alot to me. I am not too sure that people will quite understand the love that I already to have for this young girl. I truly feel like she was supposed to be part of my family. You are right, my intention is not a want... but it is a calling. I was never intending on adopting. I feel as though I was drawn to her. Since then, I have thought about her, and cared for her as though she is my own child already. I would do anything to have her home now. I do know that it will all happen in good time. I really can't help but think that this beautiful girl has ben left there so long so she would find me.