There are times in your life when you feel deep within your heart that something feels right. It is a feeling deep within you that feeds your heart with happiness. It is a feeling that you believe in, no matter how difficult, no matter how demanding something may be, you know that it is right. You know you have to follow your heart.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Letter to Vika

Dear Vika,
 There are so many things that I want you to know. The first thing that I want you to know, is that you are loved. The first time I ever saw your picture, you made my heart smile. The ways your eyes light up when you smile, you radtiate the true meaning of unconditional love to the world.

I want you to know that I thought about you everyday. The thoughts turned to concern, the concern turned to worry. I worried for you, your health, you well being, your future. Soon I began to realize, I worried for you, the same way I worry for Nicholas. It was then, I discovered, in my heart, you had already become my daughter. Right now, I know you have no idea who I am. Soon, my love, that will change.

I also want you to know, that you will know love, caring and concern. You will have a Mom to kiss you goodnight, a brother to play games with, to run with, and to learn and grow with. You will learn to celebrate, to beleive, and hope and wish for more things that you have ever known. You will have grandparents, and cousins, aunts, uncles and friends.

While I do not think you will ever understand why you have been given the life that you have had. I want you to know, that I am going to love you, and take care of you til my very last day here on earth. I will do all I can to give you the most loving, and caring home. The most bright and hopeful future. This is what I beleive you deserve.

More than anything. I want you to know that you are a brave, beautful, courageous little girl. You are a true testimony to the human spirit, you will shine on people, enlighten people, and bring more happiness to people more than you know, you are an angel.

I can't wait to have you home.

Love.. your Mommy

Thursday, January 6, 2011

This New Year

This New Year...
It is going to be a start to a journey that began just 4 months ago...
It began one afternoon. I was looking at pictures of hundreds of children with Down Syndrome whom were given up at birth and have since spent their entire lives in a orphange. Children who have never known the true love of a family. I saw Vika's picture and loved her smile immediately. There are hundrends of children out there that need homes; all beautiful and unique in their own way. But my heart kept getting drawn back to Vika. I thought about her for many, many days. I kept looking at her picture. I then found myself thinking of her at all random times of the day... the thinking of her turned into worry, caring and concern. Then one day it dawned on me, I care for her, worry for her, and love her like I do Nicholas. In my heart, she had become my daughter.
This decsion to adopt her did not come as lightly as some may think. I was torn with this as the truth of the matter is... I know I have had a good life. A very comfotable and easy life. I have a great job that I love. Nicholas and I have had a routine, and a way of life for the last 15 years. Who am I to just bring this little girl into my home, and change it around, and turn it upside down, and literally start all over.
What If.... this is question that I have been asked over and over...
all these questions have been propsed, and I do not have all the answers to them...
While I do not have the answers to all of these questions, the truth is. I have a lot of faith and trust in something greater than me. For this same faith and trust is something that I truly feel brought her to me.
I imagine (I know) there will be a tremendous amounts of challenges, and hurdles to overcome. I know there will be days that will test me, and teach me and try to break me down. But, I also know there will more days that will show me new love, lessons in life, and renewal.
Because the truth of it is... I need her, just as much as she needs me.